Sin is Behovely ?
Chapter 3 of Sheila Upjohn’s book, ‘The Way of Julian of Norwich’, focuses on the unusual word ‘behovely’ and Julian’s visions of the ‘necessity’ of sin.
I have to admit that I struggled with this chapter. Whilst I can follow the academic argument about sin making us aware of our own need for God, for forgiveness, for redemption I still find the idea that it is ‘ behovely’ unpalatable.
I keep returning to the question — what about the victims? The crimes David (p31 and p37) committed had far reaching consequences for his victims and their families. Can this be reconciled with the idea of a loving God? I follow Upjohn’s logic that it is these heinous acts that bring David face to face with his need for forgiveness but that still leaves the victims. Surely no one wants to believe that they have to suffer in order for someone else to have a chance of redemption?!
All our actions have consequences. Even as I take a walk across the local playing field my footprint leaves an impression on the grass, crushed under my feet. So I speculate that it is impossible to move through this world without damaging it, without leaving an imprint. In her book ‘Queer Phenomenology,’ Sara Ahmed, talks about the imprint of ‘ behinds’ — the imprint of past actions that we carry with us today. This to me begins to make some sense of Julian’s vision. Sin is behovely because it is inevitable. I am a white, heterosexual, western female. This gives me huge privilege. It has taken me decades to recognise that this privilege comes at great cost to others. My blindness, my assumption that my life is ordinary, will have left it’s imprint on relationships. I am a teacher, an educator, and yet whilst educating young people about the world I have no doubt that I exhibited micro aggressions that will have impacted some of those students. My growing awareness and repentance of such ‘ behinds’ has come at a cost to others.
There is a lot more here to explore but as yet it is incoherent. However I will end with one recommendation for the week ahead. As someone who also works in Theatre, alongside education, I frequently find the arts speak truth to my soul. This week I watched a live stream of The Color Purple from Leicester Curve Theatre. The theme of redemption ran through this show like a golden thread. The most damaged and cruel characters found salvation, became humble, when faced with the consequences of their actions. It was through the strength of the put upon women standing up together that they came to see and experience God’s love and accept their sin. Perhaps all shall be well when we enact what we needs to be. Perhaps those of us with privilege need to let it go, need to stand together as allies, for all manner of things to be well.
